Going through life I’ve had many, many, many moments where things didn’t go my way, or better, didn’t go the way I have expected them to. Almost every time I got very frustrated. I had a conversation with my dad about that the other day, and he told me that even as a little kid when plans changed, I just couldn’t deal with it and got mad for no reason. I guess I carried that characteristic with me throughout my entire life. But let’s be honest, don’t we all have expectations? Expectations about the future, or about how we want to be treated by certain people, or about the next day at work…we can attach an expectation to almost every single situation we encounter in our daily lives – and that’s how we pave the road towards destination distress, frustration, and resentment towards people we care about. It is the art of zero expectations, and nothing but pleasant surprises we have to focus on for a happier life.
It’s not our fault though, this behavior is rooted in childhood, as psychologist Jean Piaget describes in his Theory of cognitive development. Kids cannot distinguish between thoughts and real life, so they think that their thoughts will happen in real life. This way of thinking, according to Piaget’s Theory, is supposed to end in childhood, but in many cases, it does not. Slogans like ‘what you believe in will manifest’ are one way of holding on to this child-like behavior. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an advocate for a boost in willpower, but in moderation. If it causes someone to expect that exact thing to happen and then ends up disappointed when it doesn’t, it has an adverse effect and that’s not what’s intended in the first place.
Therefore, a while back, I have made it a goal for myself to have fewer expectations and live a life of pleasant surprises.